Apologies, the wall has been silent because of VANDALS! (poetry philistines – probably young lads?)

A question  – Is Scotland ‘abroad’?

Postcard from a Travel Snob                                    Sophie Hannah

I do not wish that anyone were here.

This place is not a holiday resort

with karaoke nights and pints of beer

for drunken tourist types – perish the thought.

This is a peaceful place, untouched by man –

not like your seaside-town-consumer-hell.

I’m sleeping in a local farmer’s van –

it’s great. There’s not a guest house or hotel

within a hundred miles. Nobody speaks

English (apart from me, and rest assured,

I’m not your sun-and-sangria-two-weeks-

small-minded-package-philistine-abroad).

When you’re as multi-cultural as me,

your friends become wine connoisseurs, not drunks.

I’m not a British tourist in the sea;

I am an anthropologist in trunks.